An ongoing list of the my favorite descriptions of all things (less than) sexual, this list unlike the content of entries which focus on fanfiction will feature descriptions garnered from all sources.

Penises

• a grand, tumescent hard-on topped with a deep reddish-purple
  head that sits on the end of it like a huge silky mushroom
• the velvet-sheathed steel that proclaimed him male
• his huge cock which bobs and quivers like a child’s
  punching clown